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badchibi22
badchibi22
Citizen
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An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Fri Oct 26, 2012 9:43 pm
(Flashback)

The moon hung high in the sky over the Village Hidden in the Mist, and an eerie feeling hung low on this same place. It was very dark, and that darkness was what shrouded Mizuni as he approached the village Hospital. As he came very close to the building, the lights beaming out of the windows illuminated his form, quite a scary one. Behind Mizuni was another figure that was revealed also by the light from the Hospital, and both wore strange unique masks and cloaks. Mizuni formed a hand sign and transformed with a poof of smoke, then stepped to the door and pushed it open, a little jingle sounding to signal a new arrival. A young employee at the front desk in the lobby, the room guests would enter into through the door, was wearing a nurse uniform and welcomed the strange boy. He then moved a hand to his mask and removed it, sliding it down and putting it away to his coat. The boy's face was quite beautiful now, neat blonde hair hung from his head down to his shoulders and shined, and Mizuni's face was sharp and his eyes intelligent. He was quite a bit taller than his actual form, and looked like a young adult, one with an appearance that brought a blush to the face of the young girl at the reception desk. Animal Path, the aforementioned figure behind Mizuni, also removed his mask. The young girl also looked upon him, and asked Mizuni if he needed anything.

"I need help, I've lost quite a lot of blood and need medical assistance! I request a blood transfusion from my brother here, I've been sent by my parents!" Mizuni stated, a false tear rolling down his cheek and his voice as convincing as possible. Animal Path tried to give a sad expression and Mizuni quickly took a kunai and made a cut on his own stomach, not very large, but then getting a bit of blood from the wound, patching it up under his cloak, and showing his now bloodied hand to the nurse. She gasped and immediately picked up the phone at her desk and called up a doctor. The doctor soon arrived and led Mizuni and the Animal Path to a room. The doctor asked the situation, and Mizuni gave a story about a hunting trip he and his "brother" Animal Path had been on where Mizuni was injured from a fall. These were of course lies, but the doctor believed the handsome tone and voice of this young man. He warned the two that the procedure would be painful, and they both nodded. The man then went to his equipment in the room and searched through them, first removing a syringe and bandages. He put the bandages on Mizuni's wound, who had taken off his cloak and shirt to show the wound, the bandages covering it up. The doctor then went to the boy, Animal Path, or Uruagi Senju as he had been known in life, and warned him of the pain that would come. Animal Path nodded again, and flinched as though he was in pain when the doctor extracted blood from the boy by using the syringe on his arm. He then went to Mizuni and led him to a table and layed him down on it. The table had a cabinet in it, which the doctor then searched through and took out two things, a bottle of pills, and a metal pole that had a bag attached to it, the bag having a tube with a tip equipped for making blood transfusions simpler. The doctor setup the IV, intravenous, line system, and had Mizuni swallow a pill from the bottle he had taken out. Mizuni fell unconscious from the sedative a few seconds later, as the doctor inserted the blood from the syringe into the IV bag.

Animal Path woozily sat down and fell a sleep within a few minutes, the doctor followed through with his procedure. He inserted the IV line into Mizuni's wrist, and Mizuni had no reaction, seeing as he was sedated currently. After a few more preparations, the doctor initiated the blood transfusion, unknowing of the Senju blood he was now transfusing to his patient. Shortly after this, the man left the room and closed the door behind him, unknowing of the boy Mizuni transforming back to his original appearance as an effect of his sedation. The two boys were left alone mainly for the entirety of their stay.


A few hours later, the procedure had finished, and Mizuni awoke, in his original appearance. Noticing this change, Mizuni formed a hand sign and transformed back to the appearance the doctor and nurse had seen him as. Animal Path, who had been sleeping in the operating room, also awoke. A nurse came in with two trays of breakfast for the patients, and offered them with a smile and blush. Mizuni and Animal Path accepted them gratefully, and ate the food quickly. After finishing, Mizuni transformed back after the nurse had left and put his mask back on, the black shroud and cloak reappearing on him. Animal Path took on a serious look and stood up, smacking a palm onto the ground where a ring of seals would appear, then a poof of smoke appeared. The smoke settled and revealed a masked and cloaked figure, the Deva Path, who was carrying with him a body, the body of Lelouch Lamperouge, a rogue ninja Mizuni had not long ago killed. He walked over to the table Mizuni had lain on and pushed Mizuni off, then setting the body of Lelouch unto it and stepping back to let Mizuni do his thing. Mizuni felt an intense wave of pain from the blood transfusion that had occurred, and assumed the Senju DNA hadn't gone very well with him. But that was no matter now, he had acquired something new now.

Mizuni stepped towards the table and focused his chakra. He then ejected several black rods from his abdomen, causing him even more pain. He simply shook it off after a few seconds, then proceeded. He took each of the black rods, disconnected them, then set them on the table. He then went to work and removed the pants and upper body clothing of the corpse of Lelouch Lamperouge, setting the garments on the ground. Mizuni inserted black rods and pieces into the body one by one, making a line of them up the shins and legs, and another line across each arm from shoulder to forearm. He continued on and inserted two black rods into the forehead of the corpse, proceeding to out more then in a circle in the boy's stomach. After this procedure, to put the finishing touch, Mizuni located the place where the boy's heart would be, and jammed the last black rod into it. Mizuni took a deep breath in and then out, focusing chakra into his hand and then slamming it on the rod in the heart of the corpse as a kick start. The body had a new artificial life and its eyes open. The unmistakable pattern of the Rinnegan was fresh in the boy's eyes. That day an addition to the family was made, a sick and twisted family. Animal Path put his mask back on and the four of them exited, the new path posing as a visitor. There were complaints from a nurse that recognized the body of Mizuni who said he should go back to the room, but Mizuni simply waved goodbye and exited the building, once out a poof appearing and his previous appearance returning. They left the place.

(Exit, Senju DNA implanted, Human Path created, 1286 words done, +12 JP, +6 Chakra)


Last edited by badchibi22 on Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:29 pm; edited 5 times in total
UchihaLegend
UchihaLegend
Citizen
Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Ryo : 33200

An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty Re: An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:34 pm
There is a few slight errors in your post


Mizuni held a hand sign quickly and his appearance transformed in a poof. He then moved a hand to his mask and removed it, sliding it down and putting it away to his coat.
This was done infront of the nurse, obvious jutsu use is going to bring suspicion.



A few hours later, the procedure had finished, and Mizuni awoke, in his still altered appearance.
If your put under your not going to supply chakra to your body to maintain the transformation, thus it is going to end and the doctors are going to wonder what is going on.



After finishing, Mizuni transformed back after the nurse had left and put his mask back on, the black shroud and cloak reappearing on him.


Animal Path put his mask back on and the four of them exited, the new path posing as a visitor. There were complaints from a nurse that recognized the body of Mizuni who said he should go back to the room, but Mizuni simply waved goodbye and exited the building, once out a poof appearing and his previous appearance returning. They left the place.
You returned to the normal state of Mizuni, but never took up your alt disguise upon leaving so how can they recognize you and tell you to go back to the room?

These seemingly small things are major to the post considering your cover was blown, you were covered in smoke while standing in front of a nurse, then you walked out in a different form.
Further more, with a rod pierced through the paths heart, the heart is not going to function and pump blood through the body, so that alone is not gonna allow an IV to work.
I can give you stats, or you can edit the post to make it more legit so I can approve the entire thing, your choice.

badchibi22
badchibi22
Citizen
Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Ryo : 420

An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty Re: An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:48 pm
The first thing I can understand, i will be sure to edit that

However for the second thing you said, it is not necessarily true that doctors will be in there, however, since my transformation will have stopped while sedated i will edit to me going back to transformation upon waking since if not true that would invalidate me taking transformation off later

As for third thing, that sentence shows that i returned to original form AFTER exiting the building, so your statement is invalid

And for the heart and rod thing, it is normal for path to have rod in heart, as stated by YOUR creation of "Rinnegan 2.0!"

Viper Uchiha wrote:each path has a metal rod in it's chest where it's heart is.

And as for the heart being pierced by rod so it cant pump blood so IV wouldn't do anything, the Iv wasn't used for body i made to path, it was used on MIZUNI, that's kinda obvious if you read it o.o

So I shall make edits according slightly to 2 of your statements, but the others were false
UchihaLegend
UchihaLegend
Citizen
Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Ryo : 33200

An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty Re: An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:57 pm

Animal Path woozily sat down and fell a sleep within a few minutes, the doctor followed through with his procedure. He inserted the IV line into Mizuni's wrist, and Mizuni had no reaction, seeing as he was sedated currently. After a few more preparations, the doctor initiated the blood transfusion, unknowing of the Senju blood he was now transfusing to his patient.
Your already out while the doctor is messing with you.

Yes, you returned to your normal form after leaving, but you never took on your disguise after leaving the hospital room.

I know what my own creation says, that was a slight error on my part, the syringe will still work.
So there is only one part I pointed out that was invalid, once the rest is edited accordingly I will read through it once again and hopefully approve.
badchibi22
badchibi22
Citizen
Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Ryo : 420

An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty Re: An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:53 am
Final edit made, requesting approval
badchibi22
badchibi22
Citizen
Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Ryo : 420

An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty Re: An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Sun Oct 28, 2012 9:05 am
BUMP
UchihaLegend
UchihaLegend
Citizen
Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Remove Ryo : 33200

An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL) Empty Re: An Addition to the Family (Closed,NEEDS APPROVAL)

Sun Oct 28, 2012 2:50 pm
Approved.
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