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 Angelus Autem Lux

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AuthorMessage
Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Angelus Autem Lux   Thu Oct 05, 2017 2:56 pm

Name: Angelus Autem Lux (Angel of Light)
Element: Hikariton
Rank: S
Spec Type: Ninjutsu
Backstory: In Hikari's dreams, the young girl always had the desire to become stronger, and protect her friends. However, being a smaller woman, The Chestnut haired girl didn't really have much of a chance to build her her physical strength up. As such, Hikari dreamed about going fast, and being given magical powers. As she grew up, she adapted this into her combat style, and developed a jutsu that showed displayed her feelings of being the shinobi of her dreams.


Appearance:  
Spoiler:
 
The Only real change to Hikari's appearnce is that while the boost is active, her hair turns into a light blue, and if she so chooses, she sprouts 4 wings that are made of light, none of are much more then a curved wall that are about one and a half meter long, and a quarter of a meter in width. (Her ears don't grow out though, regardless of what the pic says.)
Handseals: N/A
Duration: 6 post or until stopped
Cooldown: 2X the number of post used.
Range: Self
Power: n/a
Speed: N/A
Health: 70 for the wings
Stat Boosts: +70 to Chakra And Speed
Gathering light into herself, Hikari has been given the ability to enhance her body. Due to the pure amount of Chakra running through her veins, her chakra and speed is increased immensely (+70) On top of that, due to the amount of Hikariton in her, all of the user's Hikariton jutsu gain an additional +25 to power while the jutsu is active.

Wings of an Angel
If the User has golden eyes V2, then they have the ability to create Golden wing like constructs from their back. If this is done, then the user gains the ability to take flight. These wings sprout at a speed equal to the users charka, an has a health health equal to the health of this jutsu, and while these are up the user can fly at their own speed during this time. (Momentum rules still apply) The User can't fly above 30 meters into the air.


Character Specific: Hikari Namikaze
Wordcount to learn: 8000
Action Cost: 80 for first post, 30 per post, and another 20 per post if the user uses their wings.
Mastery: n/a
Bonus Requirements: Hikariton, Golden Eyes V2 for the Wings
Canon or Custom: Custom Bloodline




Last edited by Hikari Namikaze <3 on Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:41 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Fri Oct 06, 2017 6:05 pm

Bump


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Xyxer
Seven Swordsmen
Seven Swordsmen
avatar

Fame : 249
Home Village :
  • Mist

Element(s) : Heel
Clan : Tadashi Club
Clan Element : Being Too Sweet
Bloodline : Conqueror
Ryo : 212700
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Fri Oct 06, 2017 6:53 pm

Hi, it's me.

Backstories are pretty cool, you should actually use one.
6 posts duration, x2 posts used CD.
Up the wordcount to 8000.
Elaborate that the health of the jutsu only applies to the wings rather than the entirety of the person.
Elaborate that the bonus to Hikariton jutsu is only in effect when the jutsu is active, and pick either speed or power for the boost, not both.
Pick either Health/Speed to be the secondary part of the booster, no option to change as it sets a bad precedent.
Up the AP cost to 80 initial, 30 maintenance, plus another 20 if you utilize the wings so 50 ap upkeep if you're using the wings. Change the sprouting time to either chakra or speed
Pick a maximum height that you can fly to, you're not going to the stars I'm afraid.
Also, sort out the spelling, I keep mistaking you for Haru with all of these errors.

That's all for now.





"If I am not the shepherd, then I am the wolf."
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Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sat Oct 07, 2017 12:25 am

Hey Smile So, I did all the edits you asked, but I do have a few problems with some of them.

1.  I added a backstory, but can I go back to what I had before? It just seems so much like Hikari IC to have what I had before.

2. No problem with the cool down, but is there any way to have a longer usage for the boost?

3. Done,

4. Done,

5. Fair, and sorry, I didn't realize that was a rule (Funny story, less than a minute before you posted, Kenshin Uzumaki told me the same thing.)

6. So, I don't know if you are saying I can't have both speed and Health as a possiblity, So I took it out, but I am pretty sure there are alot of S rank jutsu that allows you to choose between the two.

7. Done.

8. DANG YOU, THE VILLAGE HIDDEN IN THE STARS WERE GOING TO BE AMONG THE STARS!
Ok, I didn't realize that was a rule, sorry. I put 100 meters just as a guess, let me know if that is to high, or if I could go higher.

9. Attempted.


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Xyxer
Seven Swordsmen
Seven Swordsmen
avatar

Fame : 249
Home Village :
  • Mist

Element(s) : Heel
Clan : Tadashi Club
Clan Element : Being Too Sweet
Bloodline : Conqueror
Ryo : 212700
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sat Oct 07, 2017 4:51 pm

I'm all for bants, but we've got to have srs moments, so keep the backstory as is.

6 posts is already pretty long as is when you take into account the usual duration of a fight, so that's a no on that front.

There probably are other S-Ranks that allow you to switch, but being able to pick 3 out of 4 stats to boost (granted, you only get 2 active, but the point remains) mitigates combat too much for me to allow it, especially with everything else on the booster. Feel free to request a second opinion.

As for height on flying, I'm going to say 30 meters max since that already enables you to avoid most things.

Also, give some dimensions on the wings so you can't, say, protect the entirety of Hoshigakure when war comes.

Oh, and fix the image please.





"If I am not the shepherd, then I am the wolf."
Spoiler:
 
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Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sat Oct 07, 2017 5:07 pm

No second opinion needed, You are one of only a few people I trust to actually mod an app properly, Ill probably just make another booster that does that at a later date.

I think I fixed everything, the Image worked for me, but I changed it for you.

Anything else?


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Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:33 pm

Added a picture with wings


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Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:42 pm

Added a bit more, but having a problem trying to figure out how to describe the wings.


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Xyxer
Seven Swordsmen
Seven Swordsmen
avatar

Fame : 249
Home Village :
  • Mist

Element(s) : Heel
Clan : Tadashi Club
Clan Element : Being Too Sweet
Bloodline : Conqueror
Ryo : 212700
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sun Oct 08, 2017 5:26 pm

Approved





"If I am not the shepherd, then I am the wolf."
Spoiler:
 
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Hikari Namikaze <3
Jounin
Jounin
avatar

Fame : 89
Home Village :
  • Star

Element(s) : Wind, Fire, Lightning,
Clan : Akari
Clan Element : Light
Bloodline : Golden eyes
Ryo : 34100
100%


PostSubject: Re: Angelus Autem Lux   Sun Oct 08, 2017 5:30 pm

Thanks! Smile


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