Orokana was in his room just a couple of hours later since he was at the graveyard. he sat at his table. it was quiet. in front of him was his fathers book. he stared at it. the book closed. he could smell something of cinnamon thinking a neighbor is baking a pie. he picked up the book and flipped though it. its been not even a day since he had the book but he read it many times already. he hated the feeling he had in his chest. it was something he couldnt describe. it wasnt sadness, rage, loneliness, it wasnt something he knew. was it his heart aching for his parents, that he could have been loved or could have had a family if fate wasnt as cruel? no that wasnt it. his thoughts bombarded his mind. all he could feel was his heart beat and his mind scream, scream of question he never asked himself before. he knew he had parents it was impossible not to. but for them to be leaf ninja. was this a cruel joke life played on him? or is it fate guiding oros hands to learn about himself more. he couldnt think or anything. the book. it pained him. the memories and the pain. the love. the sadness. it was all in this book. it all came together. he didnt know what to do. he could simply deny this, or accept this. it was clear his family was dead. so what could he do. there was no reason to accept it. its only a empty hole in his life never to be filled. he had a family that fought for the leaf, he he does now. is his family cursed to fight battles for their village? he wasnt a noble warrior, that honor was for the other clans of the leaf. his family is cannon fodder isnt it. to fight and die with no one to remember them. that was the fate oro thought he had. still he has no motive to do anything other then to survive and do what he can for the leaf. his home. his home... it made him sick thinking about it like that. he is a lost puppy that mad it back home, but no one knew he was lost.
he sighed and put the book in his pocket. he didnt want this. he stood up and walked out of his home. he made his way to a library and scanned the books. looking for anything with yuhi on it. he couldnt ignore what his surname was. if only he knew thats all he needed. but he craved, he yearned to learn whats the yuhi clan was. or is. he found a old scroll after 3 hours of looking. he read it quickly. it talked about there eyes mostly... his eyes. the book talked about how they reacted with genjutsu. it also talked about their history with being in genjutsu and how slowly they devolved their eyes. they must have hated genjutsu. it seemed useful he couldnt deny it but. it made him sick. his interest in genjutsu, him wanting to control and test peoples minds and will, was it payback for what the clan dealt with? was he a black sheep in a family that was wiped out? the scroll didnt talk about anything else. he didnt know what role the yuhi played in history, did they play a role? or maybe they where just there like how he is. he never heard of the yuhi so he didnt know if he was the last of his clan or if they are others. no matter. if anything they seemed to be scattered. the fact that the only people with yuhi where his parents. maybe they where kicked out of there home village and the leaf took them in. was he the spawn of pity? he took the scroll and left the library. his mind asking more questions. he had no answers. maybe others do. but could he freely ask help of others. he asked for too much didnt he, for yens training, for others training. could he ask to be guided in an time where he felt like he was in the mists of the lost. was his fate damned. left, tossed aside. probably. the more he thought about what he is the more he knew, he didnt have any traits that made him great, he wasnt a hero, he had no pride. he wasnt a defender, he didnt have the will. he wasnt someone history would remember. he was someone that would die how he is and all that knew him would die with his memory. maybe his fate was to be what he is. a lost soul never finding his answers.
his thoughts clouded his actions. he didnt fully realized he was home. he looked around his home. it was empty. nothing. he looked at his lap. was he just thinking too much? people dont worry about fate, they live it and do what they must. maybe he should be more like that. maybe he should try to be what he wasnt. he lacked emotions but. maybe he could make himself a mask that others could look up too. be someone he wasnt. he wasnt needed. but maybe he could try to be someone that could be. how he is now he cant be anything people like yen thought he was or would be. no why should he. if fate made him how he is why should he change. why should he act as something he is not. he couldnt deny that he did want to be relied on but... was being something he isnt the right way to do it? he smiled. and then chuckled to himself. then that chuckle turned into a laugh. he was insane wasnt he. well no matter. he didnt need to be anything else. he would die how he was. an insane man fighting for a village for no good reason. a fate many would deny, like yen has told him. he knew he life wasnt needed or worth much. he will do what he is asked to do and to the letter. thats all he is worth. he will unlock his eyes and use them to find truths for the ones needing truths. to shed all illusions and make them fall.something many could do already but would do it anyways. joining the ranks of those that think they are righteous and those that face any danger so they can protect the ones they love. he wouldnt fit in but he would do it anyways. he will be the worst defender but a useful one. thats what oro decided for himself. and how fate would handle that would be up to it. his smile never left his face. he was no doubt insane. and he loved it.
"I don't suffer from my insanity
, i enjoy every minute of it"
"The light of our hearts is even darker then black, the dim glimmer of hell itself."
"Before creation there is destruction, if my soul stands in the way, then I'll toss it aside. Yes, i have no choice but to move forward."