One thing Kamina would never admit is being afraid. In his mind that emotion had no place in the heart of a shinobi. He felt it often times but tried to suppress it as suppress best as best he can. Not wanting to think of himself as a coward. Because growing up that's all he thought he was a coward. He like to think he was too superior to the other kids and didn't need them at all. But in fact he was just scared scared of being rejected scared of not finding anyone to care about him. So he pushed away everyone as best he could. Not wanting anybodys sympathy or pity and the way he did that was make people hate him. Drive them all away with insults and a bad attitude that was something Kamina understood well. He in turn was mocked by the other kids and so he shunned them even more. And the cycle continued and continued until he could easily say he had no friends. Or not a single person cared about him he often cried himself to sleep and felt ashamed in the morning seeing the tear marks on his pillow. Growing up an orphan is scary but growing up an orphan and pushing everyone who tried to help you was scarier. He remembered being the first one to leave the academy as a kid. Seeing as no one was coming to pick him up , and he often stuck around watching the other kids greet their parents and feeling a bit jealous. But he eventually forced himself to walk home traveling by yourself in the village can be a scary thing. Not knowing what could happen to you or who could pop up at any moment. But this was the basis for how Kamina taught himself to not be afraid he would look down at his deer as he walked. So he wouldn't see everything that normally scared him granted he often bumped into people but he didn't look up to see their faces. So when he raised his head the first thing he saw was the door leading to his home. But one day he talked himself or coached more like it into looking at everything as he walked home. Everything he looked at terrified him the people, buildings, animals you name it but he didn't lower his head. In fact every time he thought about it he told himself he was a coward and he brought that memory into his head his parents dying before him. And that did the opposite of terrify him it enraged him. He walked all the way home with that memory angry. And every day after that he did that pretty soon nothing in the village scared him. Except the people or more specifically the shinobi. Being as young as he was Kamina did not know much about shinobi. All he knew was one killed his parents. And because of that he hated them all of them he was also terrified of them at the same time. Caught in this cycle of anger and fear he finally decided to do something about it.
He had seen the same shinobi around his school all the time. He often wondered if they were of any relation to the man that killed his parents. And assumed guilt by association he wanted to see if he could do it. If he could take out a ninja and avenge his parents like some sort of demented practice run. He thought about it everyday until one day he finally decided to do it. But he was too afraid every day he thought to himself thug he was going to. But apparently his body had other plans and always went straight home. He was too scared of them to even try most of them were polite and nice but a few didn't happen to care for kids. One day he stood directly in front of one standing against a wall looking at him intently. Clutching his tiny fists his mind told him to get out of there but his body was frozen unable to even move a muscle. “Beat or kid” The shinobi said as he first witnessed the child standing g before him clearly upset. But Kamina couldn't move no matter how much he wanted to something was making him stay. The shinobi standing against the wall had just looked up to see Kinda still standing there this time he was more upset. “What's the matter with you didn't I tell you to beat it” he expected some sort of response or explanation on Kaminas behalf but got silence. This time the shinobi moved from the wall and walked over towards Kamina lowered himself and said “what are oh deaf I said leave you brat” Kamina was trying but an odd mixture of fear and anger kept him steadily in place. The shinobi was about to yell and states screaming. “What the hell is your problem do you need a beating y-” Kamina cut him off with a sudden strike to the face. The Shinobi had been surprised by this not expecting. A mere child to lay hands on him and was knocked from his position kneeling to on the ground. But no one was more surprised than Kamina himself he didn't think he had it in him to strike a shinobi. But apparently it was in him but before he could do anything the Shinobi stood up and the massive figure towered over Kamina. It was then that he truly realize the error of his ways and wished he could take it back. And as the Shinobis hand reared back in an attempt to strike him it was caught by another. “Take it easy on him Kido he’s just an orphan”. The man now revealed to be named Kido looked back at the person who had stopped his attempt to strike the child a d frowned. He pulled back his hand angrily “Whatever Ryden kid was bothering me thought I'd teach him a lesson. And this time he looked at Kamina “next time he went be around to save you kid”
But how wrong Kido was because Ryden would continue to save Kamina even when he knew it or not. During those days where he refused to look up Ryden would always walk near him making sure he didn't walk into a wall. Or crash into a vendor and made sure he made it home safe. Ryden also made a recommendations for Kamina when the other teachers gave up on him. Ryden in a sense was Kaminas guardian angel making sure no physical harm could come to him. But emotional and mental was another story altogether. He often watched Kamina from a distance whenever he could and would often see him by himself. All the kids playing in the field but if you looked hard enough you could see Kamina alone in the corner. Kaminas fears had often gotten to him so much to the point he refuse to sleek in class and was punished for it. He was always seen as that weed orphan mid no matter what he did. And of all his fears his most prevalent was of fire. As a child he wouldn't dare go anywhere near flames for fear of revisiting thug image. The one of his family's home been burned down. Everything he ever knew gone and everyone he loved as well. As a academy student he always froze up when force was used. Even being in a large training field if someone was practicing a fire jutsu. He would immediately leave. But it was just his luck that his element happened to be fire. Imagine being told you could harness and use the one thing that terrifies you. That was what Kamina was going through. His constant goal of being stronger was immediately put on hold because he flat out refused to learn fire jutsus. He figured he would learn everything else he possibly could except for that. There was no way in hell and he uses this seriously he was going to learn to use fire. But he did it want that he was afraid of fire anymore he had kind of outgrown that. It was the fact that he felt he was disrespecting his parents by doing so. I mean how could you use the very thing that contributed to your parents death. But part of Kim knew he needed to so he did he had already learned Fire Release fire stream. But he wanted tel up the ante he had to become more powerful than he already was so he decided to learn Phoenix Fire Jutsu
He practiced and practiced night and day like he always did but without the same passion he normally had. Part of him didn't want to learn this jutsu. He was essentially forcing himself to do something he didn't want to. And if Kamina hates one thing is doing stuff he doesn't want to. He internally was holding himself back from unleashing the true potential of this jutsu you of fear. He knows that fire isn't evil or bad now but after so long of thinking thug it must be ingrained into his mind. He kept on trying to release it but the only thing thug came out was a stream of fire. He was expecting to get it by now he hadn't spent this long ever learning a jutsu. He felt frustrated and sat down he knew how this jutsu was executed Rat Tiger Dog Ox Rabbit Tiger. And it splits your fire into 6 different fireballs but he couldn't do it for some reason. He knew the reason why he just didn't understand how to stop it from happening. That's when he remembered what he used to do as a kid walking straight forward instead of down. What he was doing now was walking with his head down he needed to have no restrictions not on himself or anything. He got up did the hand seals and that usual moment of hesitation was gone he went all in. And well he failed all he got was two small fireballs that puttered and died but he smiled. This was at least a start he kept at over and over this time not even thinking about the jutsu and just going all in. And it got slightly better each time he knew he had to eliminate all the stress in his life all the fear in order to do this. He forgot about the other kids. He forgot about how lonely he was sometimes. He forgot about seeking revenge for his parents he forgot about his par-. He couldn't do it he dropped to his knees he couldn't take that image of his parents final moments and throw it away he just couldn't no matter how hard he tried. In fact he felt bad about it like he was trying to erase their existence. He only had them in memory so how could he throw that away this is what he was doing right now. And he was driven to tears how do I do this why am I this doing this. He pounded on the ground this wasn't fair he can't forget the very reason he was doing this. But he needed to learn this jutsu not for powers sake bit so he could finally put this aside once and for all. So he got up walked slowly to the middle of the training field closed his eyes and pictured that day as vividly as he could. Seeing those flames as if for the first time and he concentrated. He thought deeply tears rolling down his cheeks and did the hand signs once again slowly this time Rat Tiger Dog Ox Rabbit Tiger he pause for a moment a breathed in and in his mind all he saw were flames bring and encompassing everything in sight. He let it all out and performed a perfect Phoenix fire jutsu.
Word count 2016
Requesting Phoenix fire jutsu
Requesting 10 stat points